Chapter 18

"Lucian is alive."

Lothaire didn't seem as surprised as I had expected him to be, almost as if he had suspected Lucian to be alive.

"Where is he?" He asked calmly.

"I am not sure but he is here in the palace and he doesn't look like himself." and act like himself.

"He is in disguise…" Lothaire said thoughtfully. "Then how did you recognize him?"

"I just did." I shrugged. I didn't know how to explain it.

Lothaire crossed the distance between us then slowly removed the hair from my neck. "It's the mating mark." He mumbled.

I had almost forgotten about the mark. I wondered if it had anything to do with me being able to see Lucian's memories.

"He doesn't remember me," I said.

Lothaire took a step back studying me with his cold eyes.

"Or maybe he is pretending…" I said unsure.

"He would not."

My heart sank. If he was not pretending then he really did forget me.

"Why?" Why did he forget me? "How?" How could he forget me?

"I am not sure why or how. Maybe Irene knows."

Irene! She would be so happy to know that her son was alive. I wanted to see her and tell her quickly but then I remembered how angry I was with her and Lothaire, especially now after having seen everything that happened to Lucian, their son.

How could they not have done anything to help him? How could they have just watched him go through all that and let him die?

I wasn't a parent myself but I knew that I would do anything in my power to save the people I love, even if it meant that I would die myself.

"I should go and tell Irene. Do you want to come?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. I will wait for Lucian."

Lothaire nodded. "Alright then."

"Lothaire?"

"Yes."

"Why did you not help him?... Even if you and Irene were cursed and could possibly die but a parent would rather die than let their child go through what Lucian did. Am I wrong?"

"You don't know me." He said.

"I don't, but I know Irene. She doesn't look like the kind of mother who would watch her son go through all that." I felt as if there was something they weren't telling me.

Lothaire sighed and his cold eyes softened. He took my hand in his, I was surprised by the coldness of his touch, then placed something on my palm. "Thank you for taking care of him." He said then he was gone.

I looked at the silver pendant in the shape of a moon in my hand. Not only was it beautiful but it seemed magical somehow. It reminded me of Irene, beautiful in a magical way.

*******

He should be used to this by now since it happened every night but this kind of pain was impossible to get used to. Besides he was confused as to why it happened to him now when it usually happened at night. Would he have to endure this torture on the day as well?

Why?!

Slowly the pain turned into an icy numbness. His heartbeat decreased and it became hard to breathe. He embraced himself for the pain that was coming because he knew the worst part had only started. Usually, he only lasted ten minutes in the worst part of the pain and then slowly black would fill the edges of his vision and he would gradually fall into a sea of darkness.

In that sea of darkness, Lucian always tried to swim to the surface but to no avail. He would drown over and over again until he gave up, but this time something was different. There was a source of light from a distance.

Lucian tried to swim once again but now toward the light and as he swam he found himself in his personal garden. Surprised as to how he got there he looked around.

There...in the middle of the garden, she sat on a white swing, swinging back and forth while reading a book. As if sensing his presence she looked up from her book and smiled.

"Lucian."

His name never sounded as good as when she called him. Lucian held his breath at the sight of her. Never had someone looked so beautiful in his eyes.

She stood up and opened her arms to embrace him."Come." She smiled and he couldn't resist her call but as he moved toward her he realized that she was still far away from him. It was as if he couldn't reach her no matter how fast his legs moved. He realized that she was just like the light he could never reach. It only blinded him making it even more difficult to see where he was going. He felt lost and strangely he wanted to go back to the darkness that he usually despised.

That's where you belong he heard a voice say before he shot his eyes open and found himself in his room. Lucian let out a deep breath relieved that it was only a dream.

*******

It was midnight and the only thing Lucian could hear was some night guards talking outside and the snoring of some people. Jade was half sleeping outside his room so Lucian decided to use another way out. He needed some fresh air without getting disturbed so he teleported himself outside the castle. This time he disguised himself as a commoner and went wherever his feet took him. He tried to not think about anything and just enjoy his walk but he couldn't.

His mind was occupied with thoughts of Hazel. He could not stop thinking about her even for a second. He wanted to be near her again and let her hold him in the protective and loving way she held him before but could he really trust her? If he did he would have to take her word for being his wife.

Could she really be his wife? Could that be the reason everything about her felt so familiar and comforting? Could that be the reason he wanted to protect her, hold her, kiss her and make her his own?

No. He could not think like this. She could not be his wife. She was just a maid, unprotected in this evil place, probably mistreated and tortured many times before and taken advantage of while he was….he was...doing what? And when he finally came back he didn't even recognize her while she had been waiting all this time.

No. She could not be his wife. He refused to believe it. He would not....he would not let her get hurt while he was dreaming of a normal peaceful life. He would not be so ignorant...would he?

His head throbbed again. No no, he had just gone through this pain why was it starting again? He took a deep breath and tried not to think of Hazel and calm down. She seemed to somehow be the source of his pain. Afraid that he would lose consciousnesses again outside in nowhere he teleported himself back to his room.

With a loud sigh, he fell back on his bed. Even though he was really tired he knew there was no use of going to sleep, because the nightmares where there, waiting for him to just close his eyes. As he lay there staring at the ceiling he felt something strange, a presence in the room. Sitting up he looked around but found no one, still, he knew someone was here.

Standing up he strained his ears and focused his vision, getting himself ready to fight.

"Who is there?" Lucian asked using an authoritative tone.

Silence…. yet Lucian was sure someone was there. He was not a fool to ignore his instincts.

"Show yourself!"

After a short moment of silence slowly a woman appeared out of thin air. She stood in front of him a few feet away in a green gown that matched her beautiful eyes. Her raven black hair cascaded down her shoulder in elegant waves that stopped right above her waist and her skin was unblemished and radiant. Lucian had never seen such a woman before, she was tall and beautiful, and had a commanding presence.

"Who are you?" He asked.

The woman just stared at him, her eyes slowly welling with tears. Lucian found himself utterly confused. Why was every woman crying at the sight of him?

"I asked who you are? And how did you get in here?"

The woman only kept staring at him while so many emotions were written all over her face. Pain, sorrow, guilt but also relief and joy. She walked closer to him as tears strolled down her face.

What was this situation? He should call the guards but he knew it was useless as this woman could disappear just the way she had appeared.

Feeling uncomfortable by her closeness Lucian was about to take a few steps back when she suddenly wrapped her arms around him. Stunned Lucian froze in place.

What was this feeling?

Even though Lucian was shocked by the sudden hug he felt strangely safe. Her warmth soothed and comforted him. He felt as though all the weight he had carried all those years on his shoulders had been lifted away and he could suddenly breathe. His body and mind relaxed and a strange feeling of peace brought tears to his eyes. He wanted to cry in her arms and he wanted her to comfort him but shocked by his own thoughts he pushed her away and took a few steps back.

"Leave!" He shook overwhelmed by his own emotions.

He wanted her to leave, she scared him but at the same time, he wanted to know who she was as well.

"I am sorry." The woman cried.

He was tired of these crying women who came to him and added to his confusion. He was already suffering enough, what did they want?

"Who are you? Why did you come here?" He said angry and frustrated.

The woman cried even more. "I am sorry."

"Don't be sorry and just tell me who you are and what you want."

"I...I am…" Her voice cracked and she shook her head. "I am sorry." She repeated.

"Don't…" Lucian began to yell but she was already gone.