Uchiha Obito felt uncertain. His opponent stood across from him, looking all the world like she was unconcerned about his presence. The same person who just stated some of the best kept secrets in the world casually and with a smile. He had to appreciate it, few had that kind of...panache. It was a show, a play, entertainment, and most of all, a distraction. The issue was questioning what it was meant to distract him from.

"You truly mean to not attack me?" He questioned as he stared her down, hoping for a careless moment for her to make eye contact.

Orochimaru gave a shrug of the shoulder and held up a kunai with a seal wrapped around the hilt. "I can throw this at you if would make you feel better?"

Casual, joking, and a touch of flirting, but his eye couldn't be fooled. His opponent was on guard, and kept her eyes locked below his head or looking at some other object that always kept him in her periphery. There was also her outfit to consider. Orochimaru, even before the transformation into a woman, was loathed to wear the standard ninja uniform and wore it only to war. This was likely the first time anyone had seen Orochimaru in a uniform since the gender change.

Though who could blame her really, if you got it you should flaunt-

No. Focus. His opponent was not someone who could be underestimated. Should he retreat? It was a risk to stay, but Orochimaru was always the type to let information slip when he felt confident.

"What is your real goal? Do you intend to aim your blade at Akatsuki? You will not survive being our primary target."

"I'm just here to make friends! It's not about Akatsuki specifically." Was the response with a tittering laugh.

"Friends? Ha. We both know that Orochimaru doesn't have friends."

The laughter abruptly cut off and an inscrutable expression crossed his opponents face.

"I am not Orochimaru."

"Yes, yes, I've heard you make the claim that you're Orochitama now, but-"

"Want to hear a secret?" Orochimaru abruptly cut him off and didn't wait for a response, "I am Orochimaru, but I'm also not Orochimaru. You see, I had invented a technique to achieve immortality because I was a little bitch that couldn't face the reality of death. This technique allowed me to take over another body whenever my last gets a little worn down. Doing a trade-up if you will."

This...this was not where he expected things to go.

"Well, after I tried to force myself onto Itachi for his body and was sent running off I had to hurry up and try and shove my soul into a Uzu woman of the Setsushi clan in a rushed job."

Setsushi clan? Obito wracked brain for the name, it was distantly familiar and felt important. He read it somewhere, in one of the scrolls of the Second Hokage, they had been called something.

"The Death Clan?" Obito recalled.

"Oh you know of them!" The woman sighed wistfully, "The clan that shared it's secrets with Uzu and the Senju, resulting in the creation of a truly legendary technique that allowed one to summon an aspect of the god of death. Really, it was a dumb idea to put your soul on the line against someone who has an innate connection to that which reaps souls."

Where was this going? Why was she-

"As my soul began to shrivel from my attack I called out to the Death God, and he sent another soul for reinforcement. Thus I helped to protect myself from the attack mounted by me until all those parts blended together in a confusing mass of memory and personality that is Orochitama."

Obito tried to parse the confusing string of thoughts just presented to him. She was claiming to be some amalgamation of three people? It was a ridiculous concept fit for a children's book; or even something that was merely derivative of a children's book!

And yet the next best theory was that Itachi gained a libido and this felt more plausible.

"Why are you telling me all this? What's the point?" Obito asked.

"Well we have to do something to pass the time while Kiri falls." The gestalt of souls in a MILF suit responded sweetly. "Besides I can't really hurt you. I mean I throw a weapon at you like this-" she casually threw the kunai with a seal at him, which he let phase through his body without issue, "-and you'll just do that. Repeat until tired. This seemed like a better way to pass the time."

"Why tell me now? You've clearly hidden that information for months as you acted in mystery. I know for a fact you went to great pains to cloud the perception that you might not be Orochimaru. What changed?" Obito asked.

"I don't need Orochimaru's reputation anymore. I stood in front of an enemy Hidden Village and dared them to attack me. I fought Jiraiya of the Sannin in his Sage Mode on equal footing. I helped to orchestrate the downfall of Mizukage after publicly declaring that I would take down a Kage. I tamed the Demon of the Mist. I don't need Orochimaru's legend anymore because I have my own now."

Reputation? Was that what all this was about? Making sure she had a name outside of the Snake Sannin? If it was true, there was a very important question that needed to be answered.

"What do you need this reputation to do?" He asked suspiciously. When one was the leader of a small village, a fearsome reputation could defend it, but it could also draw ire towards you. If you were a small village, you needed reputation not for yourself, but your whole village. What was the goal?

"Another secret for you." Orochitama stated as she put her hands together in a seal. Obito tensed, but didn't move. He was already out of phase with the world, so nothing could hit him right now.

At least, that's what he thought.

"We've had this conversation while you were phased, meaning that soundwaves still effect you." The woman's smile grew vicious as she pulsed her chakra. "Ototon: Great Sound Field."

The seal wrapped around the kunai that went through him earlier exploded into a screaming wave of vibration at the same time that two other points on the roof did the same, all converging at his location. Despite being out of phase he felt it smash into him, robbing him of his breath and driving him to his knees while his stomach roiled with nausea.

"I have you, Masked-Man-kun." Came the smug gloat.

xxxxx

Hatake Kakashi appreciated a good understatement. There was an art to finely honing an understatement to have the most impact and humor, even if others rarely got his brief moments of mischief. He considered himself a master of understatements, but there was a time and place for them; an appropriate level of understatement.

Casually mentioning you have "some hemophobia" was NOT a good level of understatement when the truth was "I become completely paralyzed in fear at the sight of blood" and you were marching off to go fight a group of extremely dangerous ninja. It was the sort of thing one should MENTION in a briefing for a clandestine and potentially traitorous action, instead of leaving your roguish silver-haired jounin to cover for you as you suffered debilitating flash backs from the most common thing to appear in a fight!

Kakashi deflected a hail of shuriken that made him lunge to the side to protect Tsunade from the oncoming weapons, a few light scratches scoring on him in the process. In a straight fight, he was confident he would have wiped the floor with his opponent, but he kept leveraging Tsunade's life to keep the upper hand. Tadaomi was busy fighting Danzo's other body guard and Anko was doing her all to stay ahead of the faded legend from the time of Sandaime Hokage.

He hoped that Anko at least managed to scratch him.

Kakashi dashed forward while he called forth a spiraling spike of water from a near-by puddle to stab at the Yamanaka under Danzo's employ. He capitalized on the dodge to close in on his opponent, though just as Kakashi began to get close enough to drive a fist of lighting through his chest, the red-head hurled a kunai with a trailing exploding tag at Tsunade.

"Shit!" The Copy-Ninja cursed as he flung a weapon to intercept the attack, letting it spiral in the air for a moment before exploding. The brief second to deflect bought enough time for Yamanaka Fu to dodge to the side far enough that Kakashi would have to scramble even further to have a hope of blocking the next attack.

It was an irritating way of fighting, but if the Copy-Ninja knew anything, it was how to take someone else's technique and get it to work for him, and to do it better. He dashed again, but not to get between Fu and Tsunade, but to have a better shot at another target himself.

"Tadaomi! Interfere!" Kakashi called before running his hands through seals. "Raiton: Raiju Tsuiga!" A hound of living lighting sprung from the Copy-Ninja's hand and dashed not towards Fu, but at the exposed back of Shimura Danzo.

Raiju Tsuiga was one of the better techniques Kakashi had learned, but the focus required often meant he needed to stand still as the technique worked, a risky gambit, but one that payed off as Fu stopped trying to attack Tsunade and instead devoted every fiber of his being into killing Kakashi and to save his master. Fu's blade descended towards Kakashi's neck, but the silver-haired man ignored it to instead stab out with a kick.

Fu's blade was stopped by Tadaomi's own tanto, while Kakashi's foot smashed into the abdomen of Danzo's other body guard, Aburame Torune, as the man tried to attack Tadomi's back. The two grunted in pain and frustration as they were pushed back, though Danzo let out far more than a grunt as the lightning hound pounced on the traitor's back.

The lupine chakra construct bore the man to the ground and bit into his neck until suddenly there was a twist in the air and Danzo's charred form appeared again in striking distance of Anko, pristine and murderous but an eye on his arm closing after being sacrificed to overwrite reality.

Anko swiped at the arm as she scrambled away from the oncoming threat, the kunai scraping across the bizarre white arm filled with eyes, managing to only give it the barest scratch that healed in an eyeblink.

The regenerative powers of the Hashirama cells truly were astounding; he'd only seen their like once before. Not that Kakashi got to marvel at it long as Torune seemed to decide that Kakashi was an easier target in the moment than Tadaomi was and he once again had to defend himself and Tsunade.

"Torune. Fu. Won't you surrender? You know Danzo has committed treason against Konoha. See reason." Kakashi offered while knowing the reply.

"No. Danzo has committed treason for Konoha." Fu intoned without a trace of emotion for something that was likely one of the man's closely held opinions. Though the very fact he responded at all might be evidence of that.

"Then let his actions be known. Now that Shisui's eye is gone we would be happy to merely arrest him and let his crimes be shown to the Hokage. He can argue for himself that what he did was always for Konoha's benefit." Kakashi pressed.

The two glanced covertly towards Danzo who had doubtlessly heard Kakashi, but the man gave no reaction to the words of peace and pressed his attack on Anko, who had dropped any pretense of attacking back and was just trying to not get killed by Danzo's relentless attacks.

Fu and Torune took the unspoken order and squared themselves again to attack Tadaomi and Kakashi.

"Your loyalty and honor is noble." Tadaomi spoke curtly. "I regret that you were not able to have someone worthy of the loyalty."

Then they went back to trying to kill each other, as proper ninjas should. Probably a good thing, since there was a strong possibility that Hiruzen would not have ordered Danzo's execution. Not that it would matter, as they had already won the fight at this point. No matter how the individual fights turned out, they're goals were accomplished.

Except the one for getting the team out alive, that was still up in the air. Getting out alive was vital, he had cute little genin that needed looking after still!xxxxx

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Naruto said at a very reasonable volume as he approached his team, the two cringing for some reason. Probably saw Sasuke's reflection or something. "Did you see guys!? I rocked that guy!"

"Stop screaming!!" Sakura snapped back, bringing Naruto up short. He hadn't been THAT loud. Though the beautiful girl softened immediately after and gave him a smile. "Yes. I saw. You did great Naruto."

Naruto felt the joy stretch across his face at the praise and his eyes slid over to Sasuke.

"Of course you beat him." Sasuke stated and ended it there. No rude remark or how he'd been a dumbass or that the win was something he could have easily done. The bastard thought he actually did a good job too!

"Hehehe. I bet Kakashi-sensei was so impressed he'll treat me to- wait, where is Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, looking left and right. Maybe the man grabbed some of the popcorn and had to hide somewhere to eat it so no one saw his face?

"Kakashi...isn't here." Sasuke said, looking away.

"Eh!? Why!?" Naruto asked aghast. He beat that wind palm guy super well!

"I'm sure it had to be a good reason." Sakura stated hesitantly. "He missed my match too...though it's probably good he missed mine."

"Don't be ashamed Haruno-san. You did well for someone that's been a genin less than a year." A familiar voice piped up.

"Haku!" Naruto and Sakura said at the same time. They were just really in sync like that.

"Sorry, I know this a meeting for your team, I just wanted to come over and congratulate Naruto-kun on his victory." The boy said. It was STILL weird that Haku was boy. He was WAY too pretty.

"Wasn't Zaku your ally?" Sasuke spoke up, glaring at Haku for some weird reason. Haku was totally a friend now!

"Yes, and he did well, but that does not detract from Naruto also doing well. He has improved greatly since our confrontation in Wave." Haku clearly had a grasp of truth.

"Thanks!" He said, then almost complimented his win against Sakura too, but...well she was right THERE.

"Where is Hatake-san? Zabuza-sama requested I give him my regards."

"He had...a mission." Sasuke suddenly spoke up.

Haku stiffened. "I...see. Do you know what sort of mission he was- no, sorry, it's not my place to ask. You'll have to excuse me."

Haku just suddenly turned to walk away. Something about that was fishy, it was like him finding out that Kakashi was on a mission made him worried. Why would Haku get worried over that?

"Do you know something about Kakashi-sensei's mission?" Naruto asked, causing Haku to halt in place but not turn to look back.

"No but...be careful Naruto-kun. There are big things happening today." Haku stated before running off.

"What was that about? What's happening today?"

"I...might have a way of finding out." Sasuke stated, drawing attention to him. "Kakashi gave me a scroll to open later for...if he didn't come back, or if he did and was not himself."

Sakura gasped and Naruto frowned. That sounded complicated and like there was a lot of subtext to things, exactly the kind of stuff that Kakashi-sensei liked to say they should look underneath the underneath, but Naruto was beginning to think that only applied sometimes. Sometimes people just made things too complicated in their own head. Like Orochi Lady! People acted like she was this complex looping...thing but she was really simple!

"Should we...read it?" Sakura asked hesitantly.

"Kakashi said to open it later." Sasuke said, also uncertain.

"That's dumb. Just open it now." Naruto pointed out his wisdom.

"You still have more matches Naruto!" Sasuke snapped back. "What's in here could throw you off your game or distract you or-"

"Who cares about that?" Naruto interrupted. "If it says something that means Kakashi-sensei needs help we go help him. Simple."

"But...the exams-" Sakura began.

"I can become Chunin some other time. We only have one Kakashi-sensei."

The two stared at him in shock for some reason. Weird.xxxxxx

I stared across the roof at Obito's hunched form. The sound technique being used clearly effected him, but it wasn't effecting him as much as it should. This was the same technique that was used on stone support that collapsed multiple labs and killed several Oto personnel but it mostly just seemed to having a similar effect on Obito as Dosu's gauntlets, which would make sense if his phase just made his inner ear able to receive sound. Still, there was something a tad suspicious about this. It felt too easy.

That might just be my inner nerd talking that felt things needed to follow some form of satisfying narrative and Orochimaru's memories showed quite clearly that was often not the case. Still, no reason to risk things. I had two more tricks up my sleeve after all.

I unsealed a glass beaker overlaid was a particular seal and tossed at Obito's crouch form. The glass shattered when it met the overlapping field of sound and immediately ignited into green smokeless flames that would cling to anything it touched and burned like a discount bin Amaterasu. The bloom of the flame covered Obito's form and-

A blade stabbed into my stomach and Obito's mask filled my vision, my hand weakly grasped the appendage and tugged at it as if trying to get him to remove the knife.

"Sorry! The effect was not as strong as you imagined!" Obito sounded almost giddy.

He was faking. He pretended to be effected so I would let down my guard and it worked. I now had a knife in my liver.

Fuck.

"I don't suppose we can go back to talking?" I choked out.